I wish I had an easier way of getting in contact with my friends. It’s been less than a week since I’ve returned from Houghton, and I’m already lonely again.
Shit with the Boy isn’t where I want it to be. I feel more like roommates than I do a couple, and I think the same applies to him. There is no chemistry, no passion, and no desire. We kind of just…do things together. Prior to my trip this would’ve bothered me, but now…eh.
We fought a lot before I left. We even fought on the way to dropping me off at Rocco’s house. I mean, nobody likes fighting, but it meant something that I was fighting for what I wanted. And now I don’t care.
The Boy has told me I have too high of expectations when it came to relationships, which is probably true on some level. I can’t help but be a romantic deep down…I’ve always been that way, but I know its a bit ridiculous to push that on someone who’s uncomfortable with affection. I get that. But how much of my wants/needs/desires do I have to give up before we reach a comfortable “compromise” to our relationship? It kinda seems like the only way we can function happily is to relinquish the idea of coupling and embrace the vague lines of being friends with benefits. Forget a romantic dinner and a movie…I have frozen chicken and cable. Romantic notions aside, how am I okay with this? We’re not really a couple.
One thing I’ve always stood by is to never say anything to your friends about your significant other that you can’t say to your significant others face. It paints an incredibly biased portrait accented with harsh angry undertones that flatters neither you nor your partner. No matter how angry I am, I think about the words I choose and how they come across. Its a matter of respect, and electing to show that even when you’re at your angriest. So when someone I deeply care about can’t show the same respect for me, it really hurts. It also negates the respect I had to begin with. If you don’t have the spine to say to me the things you say to your friends, then I can’t take you seriously as a partner, or even a friend. It’s an unspoken contract within a friendship that you’re honest even when it hurts, because that’s the only way to keep the trust and integrity you expect of one another. And isn’t the basis of any healthy relationship, a healthy friendship? It should be.
At this point, I’ve given up on trying for now. The things I want aren’t going to change, but who I choose to deliver those things can. I’m ready to focus on myself, and be the person I need right now rather than expect it from someone who’s taken my presence and effort for granted. I know what I’m worth and the person I’m with should too. Until then, I’m content with our arrangement…no effort, no demands, no fucks to give. It’s not a terrible place to be. Just a little lonely.
One of the answers to the topic: Visually stunning math concepts which are easy to explain at Mathematics Stack Exchange.
I think if you look at this animation and think about it long enough, you’ll understand:
- Why circles and right-angle triangles and angles are all related
- Why sine is opposite over hypotenuse and so on
- Why cosine is simply sine but offset by pi/2 radians
How sweet are these?! And so easy to create, which is even better! Perfect for a birthday party or an Easter lunch, the base is made from pre-made cookie dough and is filled with chocolate ganache and topped with oreos. So not ony are they pretty but tasty sounding too!